How to Get Out of the True Self Trap

• Do you want to live a happier, more successful, more fulfilling life?
• Are you looking for whatever it takes to have, to be, and to do what you truly desire?
• Have your prior efforts already accomplished many of your goals and achieved your dreams?
• Do you feel confident that you can continue to develop whatever skills, attitudes, and methods you need to accomplish future goals and fulfill future dreams?

However, if you can't say YES to all of those questions, consider these questions:

• Why don't your determined efforts succeed?
• Why don't you have what you try diligently to have?
• Why aren't you the person you truly desire to be?
• Why don't you do what you deeply desire to do?
• What are you missing?
• What's blocking you?
• What do you need to break through the barriers to your happiness, success, and fulfillment?

In other words, what do you have to change in your life to accomplish your goals and dreams?

My interest in the topic of life change involves a lifetime of lived experiences, extensive study, and a wide range of determined efforts to overcome the lingering effects of an abusive childhood. My plan started with my decision as a seven-year-old child to escape as soon as I was old enough to take care of myself. By the time I reached the age of twelve, I had added one more decision to my escape plan. I resolved that I would never treat anyone the way I was treated every day of my childhood.

When I finally escaped to the university on the day after my eighteenth birthday, I tried out majors in English and biology before earning my undergraduate degree in psychology. My ongoing interest in health led me to consider attending medical school. And so, I went back to school to study for an undergraduate degree in chemistry to fulfill admission science requirements. After that, I changed direction again when I decided to study for graduate degrees in theology and biblical studies instead of medicine.

All of my efforts to learn what I believed I needed to learn, all of my direction changes about what I would do with my life, and all of the time and money I spent seeking professional help to overcome the lasting effects of an abusive childhood, were rooted in the same desire: I wanted to change my life for the better.

Throughout the years before and after my escape, I asked myself age-appropriate versions of questions similar to the ones I asked you:

• What beliefs, strategies, and methods will help me live a happier, more successful, more fulfilling life?
• What beliefs, strategies, and methods will teach me how I can have, be, and do what I truly desire?
• What beliefs, strategies, and methods will teach me how to accomplish my goals and achieve my dreams?
• What beliefs, strategies, and methods have already helped me achieve what I wanted?
• What beliefs, strategies, and methods haven't helped me?
• What beliefs, strategies, and methods have made my life worse?

If you have tried various types of psychotherapy to "fix what is wrong with you," you might have heard about Michelangelo's Statue of David used as a metaphor about how to live the life you desire to live.As this story goes, Michelangelo was asked how he made the statue. Michelangelo said that it was easy. All he had to do was chip away any part of the stone that didn't look like David. Although there's no evidence that Michelangelo actually said this, these words have become a familiar cliché for self-help work. According to this metaphor, you can discover your True Self by chipping away at your False Self.

• Your False Self is the reason why you don't live the life you desire to live.
• Your False Self blocks you from having, being, and doing what your True Self truly desires.
• You cannot become your True Self until you get rid of your False Self.

The root assumption of this kind of self-help is that you have to identify what is wrong with you before you can discover your true identity—the"Real You." Consider this question:

What if the whole idea of having your True Self hidden away by your False Self is itself a trap that keeps you from living the life you desire to live?

I have come to the opinion that trying to set free your hidden True Self is a trap that prevents you from creating the life you choose to live. The problem is perspective. It's hard to move forward if you focus on looking backwards.

The second self-help model is the hero's journey story. This model doesn't require you to get rid of your "False Self" to become your "True Self." It does require you to change your beliefs about who you are and who you can become.

How to Get Out of the True Self Trap: The Life Changing Secrets of Heroic Stories offers a liberating perspective on creating the life you choose.

This book is the first of an intended series: Heroic Stories to Change Your Life

The book started out as a series of blog posts on my KalindaRoseStevenson.com website. (They are no longer available on that website.) I kept the structure of the posts and added an Introduction and Conclusion to focus on the life-changing difference between trying to find your hidden true self and living your own hero's journey.

If you don't take action right now, nothing in your life will change. You'll still be stuck in 0your own "True Self Trap," trying to find your hidden "True Self" by analyzing what is wrong with you. Why not change your focus and take your first step to discover your true potential and get of your "True Self Trap"?

Consider the cost if you don't take action now:

• You'll still be stuck doing work that you don't want to do
• Never having time to do what you want to do
• Going around in circles and getting nowhere
• Living where you don't want to live
• Trying and not getting the results you want
• Not able to break free from past memories
• Stuck in abusive and toxic relationships
• Doing nothing to accomplish your big dreams.

Make your own list and ask yourself if you are willing to act now to get out of your own "True Self Trap."